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 MY DAD CALLED ME ON THE PHONE.
He’d just been watching CNN. Two heavily armed men strapped
with explosives had taken over the control tower at Manila Airport.
An even more heavily armed SWAT team had in turn stormed the tower,
firing assorted automatic weaponry, as it proceeded up the building.
They would have liked to have taken a tank up as well but it couldn’t
squeeze into the lift.
Reassured, passengers
went about their normal business at check-in, screaming, stampeding,
and gesticulating – because airline staff simply do not appreciate
the average Filipino’s ability to pack the entire contents
of Davao in a carry-on bag. Well, the control tower at Ninoy Aquino
International Airport might be flattened by the mother of all battles,
but the airport was going to be safe.
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I was flying to
Manila the next day and a functioning control tower would certainly
make a useful airport accessory. After a brief confabulation my
father asked what I was going to do. “I’m going to fly
Philippine Airlines,” I told him, “their fares are half
that of Cathay Pacific’s.” We both agreed this made
sense. Meanwhile, live on radio, the SWAT team had “eliminated”
the threat and pretty much everything else in sight. Situation normal.
They were taking no chances. "Come here," barked a man in uniform. I did as I was bid and had my temperature taken
I landed in Manila
to find staff were taking no chances. “Come here,” barked
a man in uniform. I did as I was bid and had my temperature taken.
“Welcome to Manila,” the man beamed. I wondered whether
I should tell him about the WMD (weapon of mass destruction) in
my pocket – my nail-clipper. It does have a lethal one-inch
file, sawed off. Imagine what I could do in a control tower with
that. “OPEN THIS SEALED STEEL DOOR RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT OR
I’M GOING TO…CUT MY NAILS.”
And then I saw
the women, all screaming, right next to the bullet-riddled tower.
I tensed and prepared for the inevitable. The screams grew more
intense and sweat coursed down my brow. “I’ll, um, uh…
choose Avis,” I said, and the cries from the other car rental
booths died down. It is a P375 ride to Makati, and with the Philippine
peso trading at around 55 to the US dollar this is not much at all
in real terms, just about six dollars, or the entire GNP of Burundi.
Manila’s
business hub of Makati is all abuzz. Its proud centrepiece is the
new Greenbelt Three and Four, an oasis of trees, fountains, shaded
walkways, designer brands and – my favourite – lactose-free
ice-cream. The place is thrumming with activity. There are more
bars and restaurants than you can shake a stick at, but refrain
from grabbing twigs or “sticks” off the trees. This
is a green area. In fact, wherever you look you’ll spot men
in green uniforms.
Check out the intimate
Store Super, Middle-Eastern Pasha, trendy Café Havana, MYLK
or crepes-station Café Breton. Explore www.ayalamalls.com.ph/makati and, for the inside track on just about everything in the Philippines,
click into feisty Secretary of Tourism Richard Gordon’s brainchild,
Wow Philippines (www.wowphilippines.com.ph).
Sniffer
dogs are hard at work in the Philippines ensuring hotel guests change
their underwear daily - which makes for more romance...
I checked in at
the Shangri-La Makati. It was the usual friendly Filipino greeting.
A russet Labrador with a wet nose sniffed my crotch, and my bag.
Sniffer dogs are hard at work in the Philippines ensuring that hotel
guests change their underwear daily and lobbies are free of B.O.
It’s a pretty thorough going-over. The airport checks your
temperature, hotels check your bags, dogs sniff your crotch and
metal detectors check your teeth fillings. If you think about it,
hotels here have gone to great pains to ensure you have that perfect
honeymoon getaway free of bad breath and smelly underwear. What
better way to enjoy an evening out in the wonderfully revived Intramuros
area of Old Manila, or to find that elusive G spot?
The Shangri-La
remains a welcome port-of-call for businesspersons on the go or
leisure trippers with shopping and gourmet adventure on their mind.
The bright and roomy Horizon Club executive floor rooms feature
intriguing moulded curves (the kind you might caress last thing
at night before turning out the lights) and broadband at US$18 per
day. There’s an in-room DVD player, a sensible clock with
classic Roman numerals and a steam iron.
The Peninsula across
the road remains stately and service-oriented with music wafting
through the grand lobby, and completing the Makati line-up are the
Manila Mandarin, the Renaissance and the Dusit Nikko (which has
no connection to the Dusit Thani restaurant in the Glorietta mall).
Departing passengers
please note the sign at security: “Passengers in possession
of a bullet, whether charm, amulet, or souvenir, are subject to
arrest.” If you’re flying out at incredible rates on
Philippine Airlines, the maximum legroom on the Airbus 330-300 is
found at exit row 62. Carry your American Express card BUT PLEASE
LEAVE THOSE BULLETS AT HOME.
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